Yeoll yeollieee, annyeongg! I don't know whether he is the real one or not, and i finally found him! His name is Gogo. Starting with his sudden friend request and at first i doubts he's an Indonesian because of his name actually doesn't really makes me interested but finally i accepted it. And after a few months, i starting feel comfy with our conversation and he's honestly a good guy with a good attitude, and i also heard some friends talked about his family background, so after all the dilemmas i decided to accept his confession. And now we nearly 6 months dating and i gotta tell yeollieee some dangerous feeling I've got within these months. Our first outing he picked me up from a hotel where i was training after that we go to watch a weird turtles movie and it's totally boring and in this scene we're not yet a couple. Second outing was watching a movie also but the special point here is he's rewatching a movie which he already watched it before with his friends, that's the moment where i really feel so glad I'd ever felt. And on the second outing he really dared to hold my hands, ok it might be not weird for a western culture but I'm a easternian! I got really shocked and freezing like hell, but after a few minutes I'm starting feel comfortable with his hands. His hands feels like my mom hands and maybe because he's a cook. And the feeling of he touching my hands were like a huge lightning storming passes through my adrenaline and i don't know how to said it feels butterflies! Ok! On the third outing i go to accompanied him to look after his shop. And afterwards we have so much memories which is not easy to forget. But we not lastt more than 9 months, it hurt me a lot. With a huge reason we finally decided to be just friend, yeah our mouth spoke it out but our heart feel different. We still met each other like we were before, maybe we're in a state which we lying to ourselves. Status is only friend, but our heart still falling hardly, we still kissing and hugging like we can't be separated again. But deeply in our heart we know the condition that we can never be together as a married couple. Yeol aa it's a long story that i cut it short to you, I'm typing using my phone now, so it kindly tiring. Yeol i never felt this hard before, o love him so much, every morning i woke up the first person that come out from my mind is him, it happened also when it comes to night before i sleep. My dad always warned me that not give your heart 100% to a man, you never know one time they maybe leave you or something might happens. And it happened yeol aa, i cried, he cried, we both cried, we still can't accept the fact, our heart want to act like we don't care but in the end it will only hurt us. I don't know what God is up to us, to me, to him. I do believe that God will always give me the best one, but why you let us love each other while we're not meant to be. Why? What is happening? Too much hurt i have to hold already, too much pressure, and I'm not gonna ask God to less them out. But please give me some strength to hold them all. I'm sure I'm strong, but can i at least cry? I have so much tears to fall out. And i don't know what to do but for now i will just cry it out. God, please send me a man that have a strength to help me hold my pressure. Yeol thanks for listen to my story, i actually wish you are a real person, so i can hug you and cry and maybe can feeling much better. Love yo yeol yeollieee..
