Annyeongg Park Chan Yeol.. jesonghamnida for making a long hiatus talking to you. i'm in a state which is I can't access my blog. but now i'm trying to make an afford by bought a modem that can be used for having a conversation with you my chanyeollie~ chanyeol aa, did you know i'm went to a harsh time back then ago. that last September i resigned from my old office and trying to jump to a bigger company but i did something wrong and it's all my fault. in 1st October i entered the company and doing some particular job but it's starting weird when the boss keep asking me to do something impossible and out of my control. so i thought this can't be handle anymore and i resigned again from that company. yeah and start from that day i'm like a crazy person craving some jobs, i put my job application to almost 30 company and none of them called me. then in a very mean time i trying to accept a job that seems easy for me, and i didn't get the good thing from them. so i'm starting to wait and wait again, sometime i felt that i have no luck and skill or maybe i'm a loser. then now you don't have to worry anymore, i got a job after so many step i passed, and i keep praying to God for give me a job that i need and suit me the best, and i got the Bank job as teller. i think this is the first step for me to meet many people with beautiful background, because honestly i'm very afraid seeing a not-have-power man nowadays. i can't give up my future to someone like that, chanyeol ah i must be told you so many times that i'm the eldest daughter in my family and i have no brother. so i am the only one that my parents can depends on. i must be a good example for my sister, i must be success in career and love.
deo ara chanyeol aa? sometimes i feel really lonely when it comes to night or a holiday or a special day which everyone must be with their boyfriend, and me? in this comfy bedroom sitting alone and hope a charming prince will come to me and grab me out from my room, but until today no one do that, nope. maybe it also my fault again for being introvert with every man that trying to be close with me. i more afraid of the fright of being with a wrong man that maybe in the future will only hurt me, dump me, and etc. yeah i'm too easy afraid of many thing.
anyway chanyeol aa, recently i watched a drama called the heirs, and my feeling is complicated. in one side i feel that my stomach and heart filled by butterflies because if Kim Tan act that is overly handsome and charming, but the other side i feel like telling God, should i be that poor like eunsang to be meet with a man like Kim Tan? should i having a low-job parents so i can have Kim Tan? do we have to be in a very poor state to meet someone that perfect? chanyeol aa, i want to have a love story like Eun Sang, i want a happy ending live chanyeol aa. and another honesty from me is actually i feel envious towards my cousin, she's not graduated from her high school, she got a worse job, her parents broke, and she even ended living with me, but she have everything that i can't have, she have a nice boyfriend, she since a long time ago always buy the things i want to buy but i have to wait for a long time and she just got it in a light, she can buy branded stuffs that i have to think 100times again to buy that. what i feel is maybe i'm to ambitious with my own life that i don't even think about my own happiness, like what i said before, happy virus happiness come from the people that they cheered of. i think too much, think what other feeling will be when i do this or that. this brain and feeling i have, i have to divide them into pieces. For mom, dad, sisters. they are my priority. moreover is my Mom and Dad, they suffered too much since they Kid. honestly i went to all this what-so-called college is for my Mom and Dad, without a degree i can't have a good job, i can't save money to make them happy. i saw too many tears chanyeol aa, the hidden or shown tears, i saw them all, and in the future i won't make them fall again in my parents cheeks or hearts. my goal? my goal is make my parents feel happiness in every second of their life. this heart always feel uneasy when looked at them arguing about financial stuff. sometimes i feel like i'm a little rude by run away when they start arguing, but for now that's the only thing i can do. but i promise you God, if someday i found my charming dragon, the first thing i thought is My Parents. i want them to proud with me so they can raised up their head when they talked about me. Himnae Taeyeon! you can do it!
